It Never Was This Cold On Christmas
by Luinlith
Summary: A reminiscence of a peaceful Christmas, a wonderful friendship, and a promise to love a baby godson comes to the mind of an innocent prisoner while trapped in the walls of a small, cold prison cell. A Sirius Christmas fic.


A/N: first of all, I think there may be some information in the story that are incorrect, and I'm really sorry that I can't verify them now in the HP books because all of them are being borrowed by my relatives. I don't think I have the super mind to memorize all of them. The setting is the Christmas of Harry's second year in Hogwarts, the Christmas before his third year. If the time setting is wrong (a.k.a. the twelve years thing that you will read down there), I'm very sorry once more. Sorry for the wrong grammar, spellings and whatever you may encounter as you read the story. I'm sorry if it may not be very good. Thanks for reading the fic! Read and Review people!  
  
Disclaimers: Harry Potter and all the other characters or any other related objects featured in this fic are the property of JK Rowling, and all the other companies with it.  
  
  
  
It Never Was This Cold On Christmas  
  
By Luinlith  
  
-o0o-  
  
Twelve years ago, it was the best Christmas he ever had. The fire was warm, the atmosphere was right; nothing but jokes and laughs surrounded him and his friends that night. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and of course Lily was there, eating roasted chicken and drinking wine, brightly-lit candles giving life to James's beautiful country home in Godric's Hollow. And baby Harry, sleeping peacefully in his blue crib in the living room, not even noticing the racket the group was making in the dining room.  
  
Twelve years ago, they were happy. He was happy. All of them were happy, and nothing was going to make them even a bit lonelier that Christmas.  
  
Twelve years ago, they were together and inseparable, and they all had a new joy to their lives, little Harry Potter, whose face always seemed so delicate and special, his face always so glad.  
  
Regardless of Voldemort's reign during that time, they remained to enjoy the Christmas season, because they found it in their hearts to at least forget for just one night that the world wasn't perfect...  
  
Because that night, twelve years ago, was the most perfect of all...  
  
  
  
  
  
"Come here, Sirius, and help me with these plates."  
  
"Yes oh great Lily, goddess of love, beauty and lust..." Sirius bowed down in a teasingly manner. Lily, bringing out some heavy China plates from a high cabinet while standing on a wooden chair tried to kick the Marauder with her right foot, who was bowing beside her on solid ground.  
  
"Woah! Feisty wife you got here Prongs! I never knew you'd fall for that kind." Remus couldn't help giving out a laugh at Sirius' comment, while Peter was trying to hide a chuckle.  
  
"Well, Padfoot my friend, she's my goddess of love, beauty and lust, not yours. I don't think she would appreciate it much if it came from you." James was bewitching the candles to float over them in the dining room just like the ones in Hogwarts, and grinned while Sirius let out a small howl.  
  
"I'm sure, James, I'm sure..." Sirius's smirking made Lily smile and try to kick him again.  
  
"You shut your mouth, Sirius Black, or you're not having any dinner."  
  
Sirius made a pitiful expression. And there everybody started laughing, the cheerful sound vibrating in the whole room, filling it with such warmth and happiness nobody else would have felt that night, except for the Marauders and pretty Lily, together preparing for their Christmas feast.  
  
  
  
  
  
A breeze swept into the cold stone cell where the infamous Sirius Black stayed. His eyes seemed hollow and blank, his cheeks pale in the cold, his eyes puffy with dark bags under it. Had he been crying? No one knew, because no one dared to know. No one cared to know.  
  
His face was dark and dirty, and you can almost see his cheekbones, a sign of his hunger and malnourishment. His hands were thin, where you could almost shape out the bones of his fingers. His hair was tousled and unclean, while his robes looked as if they were in an even worse condition, full of holes and blotches of dust and dirt everywhere, rips and destroyed stitches here and there. It didn't help him much in the freezing weather, considering that it was already very thin and that he had an almost skeletal figure, or that he was never given a nice, warm fire in Azkaban, or that his cell was made of cold, hard stone. With his weak fingers he grabbed a dirty, rundown blanket that was lying beside him on his hard bed and wrapped himself with it. He grabbed his knees and rested his chin on them. Sitting on that bed and leaning his back on the chilly wall, he blew hot breath to his freezing hands over and over again.  
  
He shifted his position and went to stare out to the sky through a small window on the wall that was placed way up to the ceiling, guarded by thick iron bars. He could clearly see the full moon, its color a beautiful gray. Thoughts started to race in his mind as a ray of light shone from the moon to Sirius's feet. Lifting his gaze up to the moon, the first person that went into his mind was one of his dearest friends, Remus Lupin. How was good 'ol Moony probably doing? Was he all right? Where was he right now? Living a peaceful life, I suppose...  
  
Then more people went into his mind; A picture of James and Lily crossed his mind, then a thought, how he also had a hand in their untimely death. He started slamming himself with his fist, hot tears running down his filthy face. Everything wouldn't have happened if he didn't make stupid decisions. And that good-for-nothing Peter Pettigrew, how he wished he could get out of this hellhole and kill the dirty bastard. He would do it slowly, no quick wand-waving but the muggle way, strangling him to death until he screamed and screamed and finally gave out his last breath. It made him burn inside, thinking of that traitor, that scum.  
  
Pictures continued to rush through his mind...there were two bodies lying down on the ground, dead, their faces still in shock. He couldn't believe his eyes...these were people who he spent most of his life with, one of them he spent thinking of pranks, going through secret passageways, laughing at their unfortunate experiences...the other he spent laughing about jokes, talking about some advice, kidding each other around...both of them he'd spent learning more about life, its joys, sorrows, failures, triumphs...life.  
  
He had all of them together once, happy, and carefree.  
  
But now it was all gone.  
  
Now he was hated, loathed by every person who ever knew his name. Those on the good side, and those who supported Voldemort alike...despised by all. He killed James and Lily Potter. He brought Voldemort to his downfall. Even the other inmates in Azkaban wouldn't look him in the eye. His face known, his name stained...no friends, no allies...no one would care if he were lonely. No one would care if he were in the brink of death. No one would care anymore if he were actually innocent.  
  
So what was there to live for? Nobody would care anyway.  
  
But that delicate face, the soft chuckle, the sweet smile...  
  
Baby Harry.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Aaaah...Lily, this tea...very, very nice." Remus smiled after he put down the teacup he just sipped from.  
  
"Thank you, Remus. At least you know how to thank people for their efforts."  
  
"Effort? All you had to do was put tea bags in there and pour hot water." Sirius said jokingly.  
  
Lily punched Sirius on the arm. Sirius let out a small "Ow!"  
  
"That was a very nice dinner you prepared for us Lily. How do you do it?" Peter asked curiously. "The taste was marvelous."  
  
"Oh please, it's just her great inborn gift to make you people believe anything." Sirius joked again.  
  
"Sirius Black, if you do not stop patronizing me I will drop all this tea on your head." Lily grinned to her own comment as she poured her own tea to a blue teacup, avoiding Sirius's mocking eyes.  
  
"Jaaaaaaaaames, your wife's threatening me!"  
  
"Oh, shut up Padfoot!" the woman said.  
  
"Sirius, you know what our Lily can do to you." James said, chuckling.  
  
"Yes, she can punch you and kick you and you're really going to regret it." Remus had a smile on his face.  
  
"But it's really alright. I'd love to see her do that." James added with a grin and a simple nod.  
  
"Again. Do that again." Peter added. Everybody started laughing hard, except for Sirius who bore a hard face.  
  
"Please, do not remind me." Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
"Look who's laughing now, Mr. Padfoot." Lily was glowing, a triumphant look pasted on her face.  
  
Everybody started laughing again, and Sirius joined in too. Lily put her arm around his shoulder, and gave him a small peck on the cheek.  
  
"Lily!" James's voice sounded very alarming.  
  
"Of course, I won't forgeeeet...Remus," She went over and gave Remus a peck on the check too, "and Peter." She went over to Peter and did the same thing. James's face was turning a very bad sour color.  
  
"James is jealous!" Sirius started shouting out.  
  
"No, I am not!" James shouted back in retaliation.  
  
Lily started to shake her head. "You boys will never grow up." She walked to James, who had a very sour expression on his face. Seeing Lily, the sour expression slowly changed into a sweet one. "Happy Christmas, Honey." Lily kissed her jealous husband on the lips.  
  
Remus, Sirius and Peter started applauding the couple. "And THAT is all that you're getting for Christmas, Marauders." Lily announced. But suddenly, small but still very loud cries were heard from a baby blue crib, with drawings of different animals on it. Lily immediately ran to the crib and carried her baby boy in her arms. "Harry...hush Harry, mum is here..."  
  
Harry continued to cry, and Lily was going to start running to the masters' bedroom to get Harry's milk bottle, when Lily said in panic, "Somebody, carry him while I get his milk bottle!"  
  
Sirius was the first to approach Lily and offer to carry the baby. "Let me..." Sirius's expression changed from a comical face to a soft one, slowly cradling baby Harry in his muscular arms.  
  
"Be careful, Sirius, or I might kill you on the spot."  
  
"Of course I'll be careful. I'm his godfather, for goodness sake." Sirius chuckled at Lily, not averting his gaze on the baby he was carrying. Lily ran to the bedroom, and Sirius started to make Harry stop crying by whispering soft words to him. The rest of them gathered around the godfather and baby.  
  
Surprisingly, Harry stopped crying after looking at his godfather and going eye to eye. He started smiling, then chuckling softly, and after a while falling back to a peaceful slumber like he was a few minutes ago. Lily came back to the living room carrying the milk bottle.  
  
"Oh, so he wasn't hungry after all..." Lily approached the group and looked at her baby in Sirius's arms.  
  
"So Padfoot, maybe your face isn't so ugly, isn't it? You got Harry to fall back to sleep." Remus said.  
  
"No, Padfoot's face is just absolutely boring that it made Harry fall asleep again." James joked.  
  
"You'd make a fine babysitter, Sirius. Maybe I should hire you." Lily jokingly commented.  
  
"I'd even be happier, Lily." Sirius looked at Harry again, his face so serene as he slept.  
  
"Promise me you'll take good care of him if anything happens to me and James, okay? You hurt him and I'll never forgive you." Lily said, smiling.  
  
"Happen to you? Nothing can happen to you Lily, they'd all be afraid to do anything to you because of that revolting face of yours."  
  
"My face is so revolting, I should have killed you with it while we still were in Hogwarts."  
  
"You can't kill me now, I'm your son's godfather. You need me."  
  
"James made that immense mistake to make you Harry's godfather. Come here honey, I think I can kill you now."  
  
"You are some kind of a wife, Lily dear." James said laughingly.  
  
"So are you, James." Lily replied, punching him on the arm. "A husband, I mean."  
  
Lily, James, Remus and Peter went back to their seats in the living room to continue their chatting, laughing and sipping of tea. Lily left Sirius alone with Harry standing in the middle of the living room when she saw how much he was enjoying cradling Harry in his arms.  
  
Sirius's attention was still at the baby who was sleeping soundly, moving a little at some instances. He began to hum the baby a soft tune, and then softly spoke to the sleeping baby.  
  
"You know, when you grow up, I'm sure you'll turn into the handsomest bloke in the entire country. Everybody will love you, and you'll be really smart like your parents. You'll be one of the best wizards in the whole world! And I'll always be here for you, because I'm the best ruddy godfather there is! I'll teach you all about Quidditch...or maybe your dad can do that. Maybe I'll even show you our map, and you can find it amusingly useful when you get into Hogwarts." Sirius chuckled to himself. "Yeah, you'll be one of the best students Hogwarts has ever seen, like your mum and dad! You'll be so great! Yes, you will...Harry..." Sirius smiled. He couldn't stop smiling. This precious little one, his godson...it's like having his own child! And he'll treat him like his own...like his own...  
  
  
  
  
  
Sirius shivered in the cold of the night. Would he know that he was his godfather? Would he know that he was still thinking of him, even at this very moment? Hah, probably not. Everybody would have told him by now that his godfather killed his parents, and that he is the worst kind of person living in this sick world. And Harry would be detesting him right now, loathing him, seeking for his revenge...because nobody knew the truth. Nobody ever did and nobody ever will.  
  
A faint light suddenly came out of nowhere, and started to slowly approach the corridor of the prison cells where Sirius stayed. As the light grew stronger, loud cries of mercy, forgiveness, pity and pain, and some of total disgust were heard from what Sirius supposed were other prisoners in the other cells. Who was this man bearing the unfamiliar light? What was he doing in Azkaban?  
  
The footsteps became louder and Sirius waited with curiosity to know who the man was. Azkaban rarely had visitors, and if there were, never on the evenings. Or was it another Dementor? But the feeling of lost hope and misery Dementors always gave was not there.  
  
Sirius caught a bright glittering color of green and red from what seemed to be robes swishing slightly at the control of walking movement. It was a medium-sized figure with a crouched back walking, hooded by a black cloak. It faced him through the thick iron bars, face full of hope and glee.  
  
"Good evening, Sirius. Happy Christmas."  
  
Cornelius Fudge looked at him, smiling. He slowly got a big, heavy key from the pocket of his robes and opened Sirius's cell. He put back the key into his pocket, went inside and placed his candle on a table beside Sirius's bed. He got a chair from a corner and sat down in front of Sirius.  
  
"Cornelius." Sirius said hoarsely as acknowledgement. "Happy Christmas to you too." Fudge made a slight bow of the head, faced him and smiled again. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, his feet now flat on the ground.  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
" Fabulously great."  
  
"Still that ironic self, are you? Just like when you were younger."  
  
"I never lost my touch. May I ask, what are you doing in Azkaban on Christmas Eve?"  
  
Fudge sighed. "My wife is out of the country visiting her sick great grandmother in her deathbed. Poor lady, she is such a nice woman indeed. My son's off to study some more about ancient ruins. That lad, obsessed with his studies. I reckon he'll start writing his own books at his young age. I obviously have work to do in the Ministry, so I can't join them for the Christmas season, can I?" he chuckled slightly. "So I thought of visiting Azkaban, just to see how you're all doing, and to give a little Christmas-y touch." Fudge winked and smiled.  
  
What Christmas-y touch? The dark cells, the monotonous color, the Dementors...never was there Christmas here in Azkaban, never. Everybody's faces, full of gloom...no one smiled in Azkaban. All of them were stolen off their happiness and high hopes as the Dementors slowly fed on their weak souls. You'd prefer to die of insanity than to stay another day in this hellhole.  
  
"Cornelius...how is Harry?" he barked, only now with a touch of tenderness.  
  
Fudge suddenly went eye to eye with the convict. He was used to this. Sirius asked the same question every time he went for a visit and he knew what he would reply.  
  
Fudge chuckled a bit. "Heheh, Sirius, you know I cannot relay information of that sort."  
  
Sirius's face went pale. Blood began to boil in his veins as he looked at this man facing him. He loomed over Fudge, who had a stricken expression, and roared at the top of his lungs. "You cannot relay information of that sort to his godfather?! I've been asking you for the past twelve years and you haven't given even just one piece of information about him! Can't you even assure me that he's all right? What if those muggle relatives he's living with are maltreating him and I don't even know, and nobody would care! If anything happens to him I'll---"  
  
"You'll what, Sirius Black?" Fudge's face was a stern red, his voice almost bellowing in retaliation. "What do you even care about him? Is this another one of your plots to claim your innocence and go free out of Azkaban? What, so you can kill him again?"  
  
"I'M INNOCENT!"  
  
"Innocent? Innocent! Eye witnesses and your victims, all dead...NOW prove your innocence." Fudge's face changed from the cheerful, happy man to the stern and fuming one. Silence.  
  
See? Nobody would believe him...nobody would believe him that the murder was staged, and that he was blameless, innocent. A pain rushed through his whole body, and his heart felt heavier than it ever was before. He picked up his rundown blanket that had fallen to the floor when he stood up and enveloped it around him. He drew it closer to his cold, weak body as small tears stained his expressionless face. But he wiped them quickly, not making Fudge notice it.  
  
But Fudge did notice it. He stood up and carried the chair back to the corner where he took it, unlocked the cell again and opened the door. As he did this Fudge spoke, not even eyeing Sirius for one second. "I will be back on summer to do another rounds in Azkaban. Till then." He got his candle, went out to the corridor and locked the cell again. Sirius could hear him whisper "pathetic" as he walked away. A soft swerving of Fudge's brightly colored robes was seen and he was gone.  
  
As the footsteps became softer and the light of the candle dimmer, cries like those a while ago echoed once more in the corridor of Azkaban where Sirius stayed. And Sirius, tears running down his face again, felt alone and cold as he always was...but even colder tonight. Because tonight, accompanying him was a heart that was hurting, a heart that ached to see the sun's radiance, happy and shining faces, smiles, laughs resounding, the beauty of nature, the beauty of the world...he ached to feel freedom, and to be with the only person he cared for right now, the person he promised to take care of, and guide through the coming blows and victories of life.  
  
Harry, wherever you are.  
  
He hugged the blanket closer to him. It never was this cold on Christmas.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Thanks very much again for reading it. R+R please! 


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